how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
