I wish my penis had an off switch
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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