She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
