you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We talked him into tasing himself.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
