haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
3pm strippers are depressing
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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