Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
