He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
