It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's blow job season.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
