You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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