the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
