Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
