CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
