After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
