PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
