We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
