someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
