haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
