just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
