I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
