Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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