i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
