I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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