I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
