True but thats because hes a fetus.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
