theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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