I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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