how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
