Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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