We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
