I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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