A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I looked at my own cervix.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
