I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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