I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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