I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
