i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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