just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
