k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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