ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
