New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
