somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
