we have officially lost it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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