You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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