I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
