these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
