Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
