dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
FUCK WHALES
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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