his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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