Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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