Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
