You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
