do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
