Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
